


Letters to the Past

by ColorfulWords



Category: Supergirl, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Kara is still in love with Mon-el, KaraMel, Lena/Kara friendship, Letters, Love, Love Letters, Mon-el is still in love with Kara, SuperValor, angst but a happy ending, at least that is my goal, idk where this is going, marriage is real
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 20:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14363127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWords/pseuds/ColorfulWords
Summary: Kara discovers something important on the Legion ship. Set sometime after 3x08, written before 3x14. Angsty!Karamel. Written because I need them back together. Now.





	1. Chapter 1

It was after a long day superheroing that Supergirl found the box in the back of the Legion ship.

Just to be clear, she wasn't snooping. But after her now married ex-boyfriend had returned from his seven year trip to the future with a whole group of heroes supporting him– could you blame her for being curious?

She swept quietly past the reddish orange tubes with the still unknown Legion members in cryosleep, into the sleeping quarters. Unbidden, her throat constricted when she noticed that despite three people living there, only two beds were disturbed.

Kara bit her lip, and steadied herself against the doorway. But it wasn't enough. What were you hoping to find, anyway? She asked herself bitterly.

It was only when a drop of water hit her costumed thigh that she realized she was crying. Really crying, fat tears rolling down her cheeks, her chest tight, her heart heavy. Kara vulnerable in a way that she hated, that she despised. Kara drew long, shuddering breaths and placed her hands on her knees to steady herself.

"This is stupid," she proclaimed to no one in particular. "Crying over a boy... a stupid, stupid..." It was then she saw it, shoved under the bed and blanketed in shadow.

Her hand reached out tentatively, her curiosity getting the better of her. She pulled it out into the open and observed it cautiously.

It was cardboard, about the size of a shoebox, and had clearly seen better days. Dust had collected almost everywhere, though it was conspicuously absent near the top flap, a place Kara had yet to touch.

Her fingers hovered over the top. Should she open it? Of course not. It was an invasion of someone's privacy. This could be Imra or Brainy's only belongings from the future.

Or, a tiny voice spoke inside of her head. It could be Mon-el's...

And that was all Kara needed to rip the flaps open. Inside, dozens, hundreds, maybe thousands of papers seemed to burst from their enclosure. Kara jerked backwards and the papers spilled forth onto the floor.

Gingerly, she reached forward and picked up one piece. Turning it over, she let out a tiny breath of air as she read the first line.

Dear Kara,

The handwriting was unmistakable– it was Mon-el's.

As if holding a priceless artefact (and really, wasn't she?), Kara shifted herself against the bedpost, her cape pooling around her. She swallowed hard. Her eyes darted to the door to the living quarters and her ears pricked. No, no one was coming. She was safe to read this, whatever it was, for now.

But do I want to read it? Kara shook her head furiously, and dropped the paper. "No," she clenched her jaw and made to stand. "No, that's not mine."

But it is addressed to you, isn't it? The little voice spoke again. Kara groaned at this– Mon-el had clearly written this, and it was addressed to her– that meant she could read it, right?

Kara picked up the paper again and unfolded it. She took a deep breath and began to read.

Dear Kara,

My brain is fuzzy, like nothing I've ever experienced before. Even on Daxam, even with the drugs– Rao, my head is spinning.

I don't know where I am– I don't even know who I am. They, whoever pulled me from that pod, they said it might help for me to write down what I remember.

All I remember is you– your eyes like comets, shining– you're sad, I've never seen you this sad– why are you sad? What have I done this time?

Those eyes–

Kara had to stop at that point. Mon-el must have written this early in his time in the 31st century. Was he remembering her sending him away? Waving goodbye with that pained smile on her face? She realized she was crying again, the telltale tears leaking from her eyes. Like comets. Hands shaking, she turned her attention back to the letter.

Those eyes I might never see again.

It's coming back to me– my mother– damn my mother– I'm telling her I love you– she doesn't care– the Dakam-Or– Gods, how stupid I was to think she'd follow even the most sacred of ancient laws.

And then– suddenly I can't breathe. The lead–I'm kissing you, I'm kissing you– I can't–

The letter stopped there. Kara shook her head, not understanding. That can't be it. Her hands shaking, wet from wiping away tears, Kara turned over the papers one by one. The first lines floated past her vision– Dear Kara, Kara, To Kara– they're all letters, they're all to her, and they're all in Mon-el's spindly handwriting.

Her chest ached. Her heart ached. Why did this have to happen to her? To him? To them?

Hugging her knees to her chest, Kara picked up another letter from the box. Her arms felt weak.

Kara,

It's my eighth day here. Here, the 31st century. I don't know if this is real– maybe I'm dead, maybe I died, maybe I gone. Imra and Brainiac 5– they saved me– they say that I must've gone through some wormhole. To the future– I'm on earth, but there's a cure for the lead, I don't know– I just know I have to get back. I have to get home.

Please wait for me, Kara. I'm coming back home. I'm coming.

Love,

-Mon-el

Kara closed her eyes slowly. Love. How long did it take him to stop signing that way? How long until he married Imra and the letter stopped?

She should have stopped reading there. But she couldn't do it. She picked up another letter.

To Kara,

One year. It's been one year. I'm trying to come back. I'm trying to send you a message. Rao, I can only imagine how you feel. Everyday I wake up and for just a second I think... I think maybe we're back in your loft, and we're just waking up. Do you remember how uncomfortable your bed was? But you refused to replace it? You were so weird.

Kara let out a mirthless laugh. She liked her beds hard, it was true. The firmer the mattress, the better. But Mon-el had always hated that. He wanted soft. He wanted pillowtop. She discarded this letter and moved on to the next one. It was darker than the previous two.

I miss you. Gods, I miss you. It's like someone is tearing my heart out. But I'm never going to die– I'll just bleed, forever. I can't help but wonder – have you moved on? Did you find some perfect, handsome alien who could give you everything I couldn't?

Kara nearly choked when she read this one. No, Mon-el. That was you. She threw this letter to the ground and then selected another. Some part of her brain screamed to her. Why are you doing this? But it was like a drug. She couldn't stop.

Dear Kara,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I had to do it– maybe one day you'll understand.

But who am I kidding? I'm never going to see you again. '

I just... always imagined my wedding day to be to you– to be to the woman I love. Instead of just to unite the planets.

I know I did the right thing– but why does it hurt so damn much?

I still love you. I know it's wrong. I know– I'm married now. I have to stop writing. It's not fair to Imra. Even if it isn't one of love, I can't–

Not a marriage of love? Kara frowned. What did he mean by unite the planets? Confused, Kara sifted through more letters. And then she found it.

Kara,

You have to understand. Titan hates us. I mean Earth. So what would you do? I don't know... no, I do know. You would take one for the team. You would marry the daughter of the biggest family on Titan. You would marry Imra and bring everyone together. It would help so many people. You're right, Kara.

You're always right. My heart doesn't matter here. I'm never– I'm never going to see you again. It doesn't matter how much I love you, Kara Zor-el... I'm here, and you're dead.

Kara crumpled the letter in her palms. An arranged marriage? A fake relationship? But... her mind flashed to the way Mon-el had kissed Imra that crisp fall morning just a few weeks ago. However fake it had been then, it was painfully real now.

Kara threw the letter across the room. This was only making her worse. But these letters... they were the only connection she had to Mon-el now. She had to keep reading.

Kara,

No. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to wake up in the 31st century. Not here. Not with you...

All the times I imagined seeing you again, it was never like this. And seven months?

This is all wrong. I can't be here. I have to get back home.

Home. That word killed Kara. Yes, it had been seven years. But the fact that he considered his home in the future, with Imra, when Kara's only real home was with him– she was crying again.

"Kara? What the–"

A million curse words ran through her head and she stood quickly. "Mon– Mon-el!" She stuttered, swaying as the tears blurred her vision. "I was just–"

And then they made eye contact. His storm-grey eyes met her blue ones and they seemed to bore into her soul.

"Kara..." he whispered, his voice breaking.

"Please–" she said, wiping a stray tear from her cheek, before it was quickly replaced by two more. "Please don't. You–" she tore herself away from his gaze. "You were right. You had to keep living. So should I."

"Kara–"

"Goodbye, Mon-el. I hope you find your way home soon."

And with a sweeping of that cape, she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By popular demand, here is another chapter... I wasn't planning on this chapter so no promises that it will be any good... don't say I didn't warn you!!

"Kara, wait!"

So he had followed her into the DEO. Shaking her head and not bothering to look back, Kara sped forward, ignoring the twinge in her gut. 

"Kara!"

She was almost the the balcony, so close, so close to being able to fly away, to escape from it all, to escape from him--

An all too familiar hand caught her wrist. 

She bit her lip to avoid the current of swears from escaping her lips as she turned to him. 

"Kara..." his eyes were large and frantic. He was worried– was he possibly worried about her?

She shook her head. "You have to let me get over you," Her voice sounded loud and unnatural in her ears. "You've had your time– I need mine now." She wrenched her arm from his grip. 

Was she imagining it, or did he look... devastated? 

There was a pause as Mon-El attempted to compose himself. "I didn't mean for you to see that," He said slowly. 

"No," Kara agreed. "That's pretty clear to me now." She swallowed hard and looked up– away from him, anywhere but him. "I didn't mean to snoop."

"Of course not."

"Right."

"Good."

Another long break. Was he looking at her? Kara sneaked a glance at him– no, he was staring stonily at his feet. 

“I’m glad you found your way home,” Kara blurted suddenly. 

Mon-El met her gaze, his eyes questioning. 

“You know, in the future. I’m glad you have a home in the future.”

“I spent seven years there, Kara. Of course it’s my home.”

Kara shook her head. “Home isn’t about how long you spend there, Mon-El.” She smiled weakly. She shifted her gaze to the main floor of the DEO, where Imra and Winn stood looking over a computer screen. Winn said something and Imra nodded, pointing to something on the computer. Kara looked back to Mon-El. “It’s about the people you meet. It’s about the family you make.”

You were my family. She thought bitterly. Kara felt the all too familiar tears build up behind her eyes and she blinked several times. There was no way she was going to cry again today. No way she was going to break down in front of her former boyfriend. 

“You’re right–” Mon-El’s voice brought her back to her senses. “Home is about family. But, Kara–” 

“I meant what I said, Mon-El. I really do want you to get back home. We don’t– we don’t all get that option.” 

His hand was on her again. A shiver ran down her spine. Why was he doing this to her still? He was married! He was in love. He was off-limits. 

“I know losing Krypton and moving here– being a refugee here– was and continues to be really hard for you, Kara.” Mon-El said gently. 

Kara jerked her shoulder back. She didn’t think she could stand to let him touch her anymore. “I wasn’t talking about Krypton, Mon-El,” she responded carefully. She knew this would confuse him, she knew it was unfair to let him try and figure this out by himself, but hell, she didn’t care how cruel she was being. Kara Danvers was tired. Kara Danvers was angry, and heartbroken, and done. Supergirl had saved the world, was fighting Reign, and eventually, Supergirl would win. 

But in that moment, Kara Danvers may as well have been dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short... Idk, should I continue this story? It's no longer canon-compliant, of course.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad, guys... I really didn't like what Kara said after the last episode. The writers have definitely been listening to the anti's and while I still believe Karamel is endgame, they basically threw their season two relationship under the bus. That pissed me off! Mon-el was so much a different person at the end of season two than he was at the beginning– he had a great redemption arc in my opinion. But they basically just scrapped all of that and had Kara be like "oh you were always a jerk" and "our relationship sucked but I romanticized it". I mean, seriously? 
> 
> It's very frustrating to me. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

"Mon-el?"

Imra's voice filtered through Mon-el's heavy thoughts as he stood on the DEO balcony and stared at the city. He didn't turn around, didn't acknowledge her at all. 

She was next to him, suddenly, her hand resting tentatively on his shoulder. He resisted the urge to jerk away from her– this wasn't fair to her either, after all. 

"What's going on?" Imra probed gently. 

He let out a large breath of air and again said nothing. 

"Mon-el..." 

“Just... shut up, okay!?” The words spilled from him, like he couldn’t stop them. “Leave me alone.”

Imra blinked furiously. “You don’t mean that,” she said finally. 

Mon-el spun to her. “You might be my wife, Imra, but that doesn’t mean I have to be in love with you.” He shook his head incredulously at the brunette. “You’re just a liar.” 

“That’s not fair,” her voice remained infuriatingly even. “I did what I thought was right.” 

“You were wrong!” he was shouting now, his head spinning. “I would have wanted to come back!”

“You don’t think I knew that?” Imra shot back, matching his heightened tone. 

“I–” He stopped suddenly. “Wait, what?”

Imra shook her head, her eyes dark and serious. “I knew you would want to come back. I knew you would want to see...” she trailed off, looking out at the skies. Somewhere out there, Supergirl was saving people, changing lives, and making the world spin. She was out there being the hero of earth.

“Mon-el, I would have to be stupid not to see how you look at her.” She said, finally. 

Mon-el’s resolve cracked. What was he doing? He was married. He loved his wife, he respected and cared for her wellbeing. And here he was, pining over an old girlfriend who clearly wanted nothing to do with him. What was he thinking?

She was more than just an old girlfriend, though, his brain told him. She was the first woman you really loved. He looked at Imra, her long raven hair framing her pretty angular face. He thought about the way she laughed, how she was a better cook than he was, how she insisted on sleeping on the left side of the bed. He thought about their wedding night, he thought about making love to her, he thought about kissing her. Kara was the only woman you ever loved. 

Pulling his wife into a guilty embrace, Mon-el wrapped his arms around her back. “I’m so, so sorry. We’ll leave soon, we’ll go back to the future, and all of this–” He pulled back, cupping her face in his hands. She smiled weakly at him. “We can put all of this behind us, okay?”

Imra rested her cheek against one of his palms. “You have to talk to her first, Mon-el,” She said. “Whatever needs to be said– you have to get this off your chest. She has to get it off of her chest too.” Imra pulled back slightly. “Go see her.”

Mon-el nodded, his throat tight. He pressed his lips against hers quickly, and just as quickly, he was on his way to Kara’s loft. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

He stood outside the door for what felt like hours, though it was probably only a few minutes. The last time he had been here– well, it had been a long, long time ago. The rooms he shared with Imra had always been sparse, as they moved around often, sometimes even intergalactically. That kind of travel never lent itself well to having a curated home, or even many belongings. The only things Mon-el really own were his legion ring and Kara’s necklace.

Kara.

What was she doing behind that door? He wished briefly that he had her enhanced hearing, so he could listen in through the door. Or so he could hear her heartbeat. Or just–

The door slammed open. “You’ve been standing out there for ages,” Kara said, crossing her arms as she appeared in the doorway. “Were you ever going to knock?”

Mon-el shrugged helplessly. What was he supposed to say? She sighed, blonde curls shaking. “Well, you may as well come in.”

She turned and strode back into her apartment. Mon-el swallowed hard and followed her, his heart pounding dangerously in his chest. 

It was exactly has he had imagined it, those seven long years. How many times in his letters had he written detailed descriptions of the loft, afraid he might one day forget it?

Damn those letters, starting all of this.   
“Stay there,” Kara was saying, as he turned in a slow circle, overwhelmed by memories. Mon-el found himself nodding, but she was already gone, disappeared into their bedroom. 

The bedroom. 

No, that felt wrong. It was theirs, their bedroom with the stiff mattress, their bedroom with his unofficial drawer of clothes, it was theirs.

Did she still think of it that way? 

Kara finally emerged, carrying a rather large cardboard box. 

She shoved the box into Mon-el’s chest. “What is this?” He asked, bewildered. 

“This is... your things.” Kara paused, and her blue eyes narrowed. “This is me moving on.” 

“Kara...” Mon-el’s voice cracked. “Why are you doing this?”

Her gaze was steely. “I’m moving on, Mon-el.” She looked at him for a moment. “I meant what I said before. I know we’re just three good people in a bad situation.” She inhaled. “But that doesn’t mean I can just... wait for the situation to be resolved. Sometimes we have to work through the problem ourselves.”

He blinked at her. She was right, of course– she was very seldom wrong– but it still hurt like hell. 

Mon-el lifted his head slightly, as if tilting it back would stop the tears from leaking from his dark eyes. 

“Kara, I’m–”

“Don’t.” She interrupted, taking a step back from him. Her voice wavered only slightly. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Not again. I know, I know you are.” She put up her hands. “That doesn’t make it any easier.”

She pushed past him, back to the open loft door. “I think you should leave,” she said, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t– I don’t feel comfortable having you here. In my home.”

Mon-el’s vision blurred slightly– he would not cry. “I– I understand,” he said finally, making his way to the door. “I guess... I’ll see you at work then.”

His offer of peace went unnoticed as the woman he loved shut the door in his face for the last time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I have the next couple planned out from here, so... they might be longer? I honestly don't know. Sorry, I'm kind of a mess right now... Anyway, enjoy.

A week had passed now, with Kara and Mon-el having no to very little contact. They mostly avoided each other, but when they had to be in the same room, the tension was palpable. 

One say, Alex cornered Kara after a DEO meeting on Worldkiller updates (of which there were few), and demanded answers. 

“Alright,” the redhead said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Spill.”

Kara shrugged. “There’s nothing to spill,” she said.

“Bullshit,” the older Danvers’ sister responded quickly. “You and Mon-el both–”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” The younger woman replied, shaking her head a few too many times. 

“Oh?” Alex raised one eyebrow. “So you go from only wanting to talk about your ex to pretending he doesn’t exist in the span of a few days?”

“I didn’t only talk about him!” Kara huffed angrily. “I just–” She paused, realizing how loudly she was speaking. The two sisters were garnering stares and Alex looked supremely pleased with herself. 

“You were saying?” Alex asked slyly. 

Kara clenched her fists. “I just realized that I need to move on. That’s all, ok?”

“Hm,” Alex nodded condescending. 

“What? What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing would be wrong with that if you actually were moving on,” Alex said, patiently. “But you aren’t.”

“I am!” Kara insisted. 

“No, you’re not.” Alex sighed, and put her hand on her adopted sister’s shoulder. “Kara, listen. I know that with Maggie–”

“This isn’t like with Maggie!” Kara’s resolve broke. “You dumped Maggie. That was your choice.”

Alex’s eyes grew dark. “Kara–”

“No, Alex! You think you know what I’m going through, but you don’t. You don’t know what I’m going through and you certainly don’t know how I feel.” Kara shook her head furiously. “Just leave me alone, Alex. Just leave me alone!” Kara realized what she had said as soon as she said the last word and instantly regretted it. 

Alex stiffened. “Fine.”

She desperately tried to backpedal. “No, Alex, wait–!” But her sister had already walked away. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Supergirl was punching out some unknown alien later that day near tenth street when things really started to fall apart. 

“Winn,” she said into her comms, breathing heavily. “Can you give me the lowdown on this guy?” At the same time, she sent the twelve foot tall creature into the wall of nearby building via a powerful roundhouse kick. 

“Um...” there was a franticness in his voice and then then a lot of keystrokes. “Um...!” 

“Winn!” Kara repeated, slamming her fist into the aliens face. “A little help here!” The green thing opened its mouth and let out an angry roar. 

“I’m...I’m working on it!” Winn replied clearly agitated. “It’s not in our databases– give me a minute!”

“I–don’t–have–a–minute–!” Kara yelled back, punctuating each word with a kick to the alien’s stomach region. She ducked its flying arms as it threw punch after useless punch. Kara focused her blue eyes until the familiar warmth built up in them. The red beams shot out of her eyes but bounced uselessly off of the creature. “Crap, it’s got some sort of shield capability! Winn, I need help NOW!!”

“I–” there was some static. 

Kara fingered the comm in her ear. “You’re cutting out–”

At that moment, the alien’s fist finally connected with Kara’s face. He was strong– she had expected that, of course, but still–

“Ooohf!”

She crashed into the building on the other side of the street as her foe grunted in satisfaction.

“Shit!” She swore under her breath as she struggled to get up. 

And, classically, it was right then that he choose to show up. 

Him, in his skintight red and blue Legion suit, flying via the powers of the future, trying to save her, the hero of earth? She had never been so angry in her life. 

Pushing herself off of the ground, Kara brushed the debris from her suit and stalked towards him. 

“Why are you here?!” She demanded. Mon-el stared blankly at her. 

“What?”

The alien roared its dissatisfaction and came rushing towards the pair. Simultaneously, Kara and Mon-el both slammed their fists into the creature’s abdomen. It, and all six of its arms, went flailing backwards from the force of the two combined punches. 

“Why are you here?” Kara repeated, fuming. 

Mon-el blinked at her. “To help.”

“I don’t need your help!” She responded angrily. “I don’t need you!”

He held up his hands helplessly. “I’m just trying to–”

The last thing Kara saw were his eyes as they flared with concern, and then, out of the corner of her vision, one of the green alien’s arms swinging, finally making it’s mark.

And then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading friends. Enjoy!

Mon-el practically ran into Alex at the DEO. 

"Kara?" Alex asked, before he could say anything. She pointed towards the med bay. "She's in there."

"Is she–?" Mon-el asked breathlessly. 

"She's fine," Alex shrugged. "Although she'd be better if you were gone."

Mon-el nodded and then turned to go into the med bay. Suddenly, his mind comprehended the last thing Alex had said, and he spun back around. "Wait, what?"

Alex blushed lightly. "Sorry, I'm just– Forget it, Mon-el."

"No," Mon-el responded angrily. "What did you say?"

"I said–" Alex paused. "That she might be better if you weren't around." 

Mon-el's shoulders slumped. "Yeah," Was all he said.

"Then again," Alex added quickly. "If you hadn't been there today, that alien might have been a real problem."

"If I hadn't been there today," Mon-el countered listlessly. "It never would have gotten so close to her. I distracted her. That's how angry she is at me."

Alex sat down on a nearby bench and patted next to her for him to join. Reluctantly, he did. 

"Can I ask... what changed?" Alex probed.

Mon-el raised his hand and rubbed his forehead. "She saw something... that it would have been better if she didn't see."

Alex's eyes widened. "Were you and Imra–?"

"What? No!" Mon-el interrupted quickly. "No, nothing like that. It was just... something of mine that was... personal." He sighed. "Look, Alex, I know– I mean, I can only imagine... how hard this is for her. And we're doing our best to leave quickly– so that she can... move on. Like I did."

Alex was quiet for a moment, looking at him. "Yeah, okay." She stood and brushed herself off. 

"Wait, that's it?" Mon-el asked, standing too. 

"Look, Mon-el. You're a good guy. I know that. Kara knows that too. And... I really do hope it works out for both of you. Whatever that might mean at this point." She flashed him a half smile. "Oh, and for the record? I'm glad you were there today." 

~~~~~~~~~~

From what Mon-el could glean, Kara was perfectly fine after a few hours with everyone fussing over her. So fine, in fact, that she stormed out of the med bay when Alex suggested they run another test, as if to prove her healthiness. As she was stalking past him, Mon-el couldn't help but grin. She was a fighter, through and through. Despite his better judgement, he jogged to catch up with her. 

"Hey, Kara!"

She either didn't hear him (unlikely) or was consciously ignoring him (much more likely), because she kept walking toward the balcony. 

"Kara!"

She spun around so quickly he almost crashed into her. She forced a smile onto her face. "Yes, Mon-el, I am fine. Thanks for asking."

"I..." he paused. "I actually wasn't going to say that."

"Oh." She relaxed almost imperceptibly, dropping her shoulders just slightly. "Um, what were you... going to say, then?"

He suddenly wished his suit had pockets he could bury his shaking hands in. "I didn't mean to distract you, back there. I just wanted to help." 

Kara sighed. "Um, yeah. I know... I really overreacted. I think... I think that guy knocked some sense into me." 

Mon-el felt his heart rise in his chest. "So... are we good, then?"

Kara's eyes shifted downward. "I don't think we're ever going to be good, Mon-el." She admitted. His throat closed suddenly– where had all the oxygen gone?

Kara continued without looking at him. "I mean..." She swallowed, hard. "As great as you were..." (There was a weak smile here) "You're not... you know, the end all be all. I'll move on eventually. Just like you did."

Mon-el opened his mouth to respond, but she held up her hand to stop him. "No, please don't say anything. This is... hard enough as it is." So he nodded wordlessly instead, trying to keep his head from spinning. "Look, I... I do still.... have feelings for you. That's why I've been such a... such a mess, lately. I know you don't feel the same way, and I know how much you love Imra– reguardless of how the relationship started. And she... she is a lovely person. She really is. I couldn't... I couldn't wish anything better for you. I'm really happy you're happy. But... I also need to think of myself right now. Which is why..." She looked at him. Rao, her eyes were stunning. Were they sparkling with tears? "Why I've been avoiding you. And why I just... I just don't know if I can be around you right now."

"I..." His voice cracked. "I understand." 

"This is better for both of us," Kara continued earnestly. "It means you can spend more time working on your ship, and you can get home. "

"That sounds perfect," Mon-el responded listlessly. "I'll go... I'll go do that right now."

He didn't even say goodbye when he turned to walk away.

~~~~~~~~~~~

As he lay next to his wife that night and listened to her well-regulated and familiar breathing, he thought of Kara. What was it she had said a few weeks ago? 

"How is your ship?" She had asked, her eyes filled with concern. 

"Broken beyond my knowledge," He had responded with a chuckle.

Mon-el almost snorted with laughter as he rolled over in his sleep. How ironic. 

He felt Imra's hand on his shoulder. "Hey, love," she said softly, pulling him closer to her. 

"Hey," he responded, with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. 

"I wanted to talk to you about something," she said. He turned over so that they were facing each other. 

"Okay,' Mon-el said, stroking one side of her face. 

"Once we end Pestilence, and we go back home, and all of this is cleared up, I was thinking... it might be time."

"Time?" Mon-el was confused. "Time for what?"

Imra smiled in the darkness. "I just think... we could expand our family."

Mon-el nearly choked on his own saliva. "You want to–?"

She nodded slightly. "Let's have a baby, Mon-el."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did get the "ship" joke from something on Tumblr. I would put who it was but I don't know... Don't sue me please!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Sorry it has been so long, I had finals these last two weeks (kill me) and then I had to pack up all of my stuff and move out of my dorm. So... In other words, I was SUPER (yep, I just made a pun, and it was bad!) busy. 
> 
> I know I promised this chapter sooner rather than later and I am verrry sorry. Forgive me?
> 
> So, this is... not exactly a filler chapter, but it doesn't have any (real) contact between Kara and Mon-El. But it's something that never happened in the show and I really wanted it to. So here is a Lena/Kara friendship scene because I think they are so (PLATONICALLY) cute.

_ Let's have dinner.  _

 

After a long day of fighting crime and searching for Reign, Purity, and Pestilence (and avoiding a certain someone), this was the text waiting for Kara from Lena when she arrived back in her loft.

 

Needless to say, she was frustrated and not in the mood. But then–

 

_ I'll bring potstickers... _

 

Kara grinned a little and, just as quickly, her mind was changed. She cocked her head gently and responded. 

 

_ I'm in my loft. Come over? _

 

Lena agreed saying she would be over in half an hour with those blessed, blessed potstickers. Changing out of her superhero costume, Kara hopped into the shower. 

 

As she washed her hair and hummed "America" from  _ West Side Story,  _ her mind wandered aimlessly– and, typically, as it did when she alone, it wandered over to the big locked box in the back of her brain. Before she knew what was happening, the box was open, the memories flooding her, and she was back in the shower with Mon-El, his body pressed against hers. 

 

_ "Mon-El..." Kara moaned as his hands slid between her legs. "I have work in fifteen minutes. I have to get dressed, and dry my hair, and–" _

 

_ His mouth was on her ear. "Speed through it." He bit down gently on her earlobe, and a shudder ran down her spine.  _

 

_ "I–" She couldn't seem to get the words out. She could never understand how he made her feel this way. It wasn't  _ fair.  _ "I can't, you know that." _

 

_ Mon-El kissed her neck, then her collarbone, then the tops of her breasts. "Then be late," He responded between kisses. "Because I am so not finished with you yet." _

 

_ Kara threw her head back, her mind swimming– _

 

"Kara?"

 

Her best friend's voice jerked her back into reality. Guiltily, she removed her hands from between her thighs and grabbed a towel from the rack, before stepping out of the shower. "I'm here, Lena!" She called back, drying herself. "Give me a few minutes, I just– I just stepped out of the shower." 

 

_ I just stepped out the shower where I was thinking sexually about a married man, who just so happens to be my ex boyfriend, who I told that I am over him, even though I'm absolutely not– _

 

Kara pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, wrapped her dirty blond locks in a towel, shoved her glasses on her face, then opened the door, to find Lena Luthor standing in front of her with a bag of potstickers held out away from her. 

 

"Eeee!" Kara squeaked happily, scurrying forward to take her prize. 

 

"Ugh, I don't even know how you eat those!" Lena's face curled into a twisted grimace. 

 

"Hey!" Her friend protested as they both sat on the couch. "Potstickers are  _ so _ good. Better than good, actually– they're- they're–"

 

"The love of your life?" Lena finished jokingly, opening her own box of noodles. "Oh, I know. Trust me, you've only said it about a zillion times."

 

Ignoring the gut punch from the first part of her sentence, Kara shrugged. "Wait, aren't you supposed to be a scientist? A 'zillion' isn't even a real number!" Clapping her hand over her mouth in mock disbelief, Kara let out an exaggerated gasp. "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?!" 

 

"Hey, hey!" Lena put her hands up. "Don't shoot. And, by the way, a zillion is a scientific term for an extremely large, but unknown number of things. For example," she forked up a few noodles and spooned them into her mouth. "There are about a zillion mosquitos in the world. See? We know it's a big number, but we have no idea how many there actually are– not that it would make sense to count them even if there were–"

 

Kara laughed and waved the comment away. "Yeah, okay, there she is."

 

Using her chopsticks to capture the first of many potstickers from the box, Kara grinned at her successful attempt. There was a long silence as both young woman ate greedily. Who knows what Lena had been working on all day, and whether or not she had been eating, but her companion had gone without food since the morning. 

 

“So...” Lena broke the comfortable silence a while later. “We need to talk.”

 

As was always the case when Lena started a conversation this way, Kara’s insides twisted horribly.  _ Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit she knows she knows she knows she knows.  _

 

In her panic, Kara avoided Lena’s eyes. “Um, yeah?” 

 

Lena sighed heavily. “I found something out a few days ago, and I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up to you, but–” Lena paused, giving Kara a few more moments to think:  _ I knew it! She knows, shit she knows, I knew it was a bad idea to have her at the DEO with Alex...and Winn... and – _

 

“–Mon-El,” Lena interrupted her thoughts. 

 

“Wait, what?” Kara frowned. Could Lena read her mind? Was she really that easy to read?

 

“Kara... I was doing some... L-Corp work in the past weeks, and... Mon-El is back. I thought about this a lot, but I know we don’t have any real secrets from each other, so–”

 

Kara nearly burst out laughing at this point.  _ Right, except that I’m an alien Superhero and you have kryptonite. Or, at least you did at one point.  _

 

She shook her head free of the bitter thoughts and returned to the moment. “I– I know,” she admitted. “I know he’s back. I also know– that he’s married.” 

 

Lena raised her eyebrows dangerously. “I’m sorry, what? He’s  _ married?! _ ” She didn’t wait for Kara’s confirmation. “But it’s only been– what, 9 months since he had to leave– and– wait, how did he even get back here?” 

 

Kara stared resolutely at the bottom of the empty box of potstickers. “Time-travel,” she muttered under her breath. Knowing that Lena would need more information, Kara took a deep breath, praying briefly to Rao that for strength to tell this story. “When... Supergirl had to send him away– she told me she put him in a pod, and sent him into space– and that we should hear from him soon. But we didn’t– she thought he was dead...” Kara swallowed hard, still looking down. “Then... a few months ago, I got the call that they... they found him. He had been sucked into– I dunno, a wormhole, I guess– and he had been living in the 31st century. And while for me– for all of us, it had only been seven months–” She sucked in air. “Mon-El was in the 31st century for seven years.”

 

Lena shifted beside her. “I– how did he get back?”

 

“Another wormhole, I guess?” Kara blinked several times to stop the tears from escaping from her azure eyes.  _ Like comets.  _

 

“And you didn’t tell me any of this?” Lena put her hands on her best friend’s shoulders, forcibly turning her into a tight hug. “God, Kara, you’ve been keeping this all to yourself? Why– why would you do that to yourself?”

 

“I didn’t–” Kara’s eyes flooded with tears and her throat closed. “I didn’t want to bother you– I think– I think if I pretended I was okay– maybe I would be– but–” She closed her eyes as sobs wracked her body. “I’m not, Lena. I’m not okay– and I don’t know if I can be...” Pushing back from the hug, Kara stood and strood to the window. “He’s just a boy– I mean– I shouldn’t be this upset–” She wiped the tears away furiously, desperate to look normal. “I need to be stronger than this!”

 

Lena’s hand was on her shoulder. “Kara, no. He wasn’t just some... some boy. I saw the way the two of you– it– that doesn’t matter. The point is– it was a relationship that... it wasn’t perfect, but it was good. And... that’s hard to get out of. Especially under– these circumstances.” Lena turned the tearful blonde to face her. “My point is that... it’s okay to not be okay. Sometimes you have to be not okay before you can be okay.” As her best friend pulled her into another bone-crushing hug– that is, it would be if her bones could be crushed– Kara finally felt like she could cry.

 

And she did. She cried, completely vulnerable. She cried because of the choice she had to make, she cried because the man she loved had to leave, she cried because he came back. She cried because she was not okay. 

 

She cried because she didn’t know if she ever would be the same.       __

  
  


  
  


 

     


	7. Chapter 7

_I can't believe I'm doing this._

 

Kara adjusted her glasses as she mentally groaned. 

 

As the cafe bustled around her, she resisted the urge to check her watch again. He was late, he was standing her up, and this whole thing was dumb–

 

She shook her blonde curls, frowned, and took a sip of her cappuccino.  _Ugh, it's cold._ Kara shoved the drink away from her, disgusted at the situation more than the less-than-perfect drink. Her mind flashed back to only three days ago, right after Kara had cried in Lena's arms for the solid part of an hour. 

 

_"Okay, babe," Lena had said, pushing Kara upright and away from her. The other girl pushed her glasses up her face in an attempt to wipe away the remaining tears. "I've let you cry, now it's time we... problem solve." She handed Kara a tissue, which the blonde gratefully accepted. "Let's brainstorm, okay? Let's do something about this."_

 

_"There's nothing to do!" Kara huffed back, her nose filled with snot. She blew it on the tissue. "He's... he's married... he's happy... he's moved on... and I'm..." She burst back into tears. "I'm a fucking mess!"_

 

_"Okay, okay, okay," The brunette backpedaled frantically. "I mean... let's talk about you. Not about him– how can we–"_

 

_Suddenly, even through her veil of tears, Kara saw her best friend's eyes light up– a literal light-bulb moment._

 

_"No," Kara said quickly. "Whatever you're thinking right now, I'm–"_

 

_"We'll set you up!" Lena exclaimed._

 

_"I–" Her companion's eyes widened. "Wait, what?"_

 

_"I have a friend– Ben, he's coming into town– a reporter, too– well, not a great one, but he's getting there– I thought I could hook him up with you professionally anyway, but– oooh, this is so much better!"_

 

Kara had tried to protest, but Lena's mind was made up– as it often was when she had this kind of idea. That was one of the things Kara appreciated about her. She knew a good idea when she had it, and she jumped on it as soon as it happened. Although, this particular scenario had Kara doubting her best friend's logic. 

 

Angrily, Kara made the mistake of checking her watch. Ben was now half an hour late, and she was done. Throwing a twenty on the table, Kara grabbed her bag and her coat and slid out of her chair. She strode quickly to the glass door, and was about to push it open, eager to show Lena she was wrong, that Kara did not need to be set up, and that–

 

"Hey, Ms. Danvers? Kara Danvers?" 

 

Shit. 

 

Kara whirled around to face the voice. It came from a tall man, with dirty blonde hair, and grey-green eyes. And Rao, was he attractive! Kara felt her jaw fall slightly open. She quickly forced it closed as she noticed him looking at her expectantly. She held out her hand and he shook it. His grip was strong– for a human, of course. 

 

"Um, hi– Ben?" 

 

The man smiled, his grin spreading all the way to his eyes. "Yeah, Ben Carmichael, at your service."

 

So he was a dork. But really, so was Kara, so that wasn't much of an issue. And he was cute, they way his face lit up when she said his name. 

 

"I'm sorry, was that weird?" He continued, suddenly. "I have to admit, I'm a little nervous." He shoved his hands deep in his pockets. "You're– uh... kind of like, my idol?" He lifted his voice as the last word, as if asking a question– or looking for her validation.

 

Despite herself, Kara smiled widely. How could she not? "I'm really not that special," she responded modestly. 

 

"Not that special?" Ben asked incredulously. "Kara Danvers, not that special? Have you read your work? The piece you self-published on Cadmus? Or the Daxamite invasions? Your  _multiple_ one-on-one interviews with Supergirl  _herself_?" He shook his head. "Not that special!"

 

Kara chuckled. "So, you've been stalking me, then?" 

 

A flash of red crossed Ben's cheeks. "Er–" 

 

"It's okay," Kara said quickly. "Come on, let's sit down. 

* * *

 

"–and I've been living in Bridgetown ever since," Ben finished as Kara listened intently. 

 

"Your family sounds really sweet," She said, a little wistfully. 

 

"Yeah, they are. I mean, I'm really close with them, which is lucky. So it's hard to be so far away from them, but Bridgetown is the only place I could get a job." He cats his eyes downwards. "I'm not a very good reporter, I'm afraid." 

 

"Hey," Kara reached her hand out across the table to his and held it briefly, before she realized what she was doing, and quickly withdrew it with a small blush. "Uh, you, uh, shouldn't doubt yourself."

 

"Thanks, Kara." Ben said, his eyes on her hand. "So, what about your family? Lena told me you have a really cool sister?"

 

Kara's eyes narrowed. "Um, adopted sister. Yeah, she's great... she's in the FBI. But don't tell anyone I told you." She ended this with a small laugh, but, as expected, Ben honed in on the first part of the sentence. 

 

"Adopted?" He forked a little piece of his Caeser salad into his lips as Kara sighed. 

 

"Um, my parents died when I was thirteen. Car crash." It didn't matter how well rehearsed the fake story was, Kara still felt the tears behind her eyes. She blinked rapidly, her brain transported back to her first year as a teenager, where her parents sent her away– her mother pressing her necklace into her daughters palm– that same necklace that now adorned Mon-El's neck–.

 

Shit.  

 

Ben looked frantic. "Oh, my god! I am so sorry I asked–"

 

Kara shook her head with a pained smile. "There's no way you could have known. And anyway, that sad story has a happy ending. I was adopted by some family friends, and I got my adoptive mother Eliza and my sister Alex."

 

She didn't dane to mention Jeremiah– that was a rabbit hole she wasn't willing to get into on a first date.

 

_Did I just call this a date? Do I_ want  _it to be a date?_

 

"That's..." Ben sat back in his chair, throwing his napkin on the table. "Wow, I never knew."

 

"I keep that part to myself, mostly," Kara said as she took a bite of her own salad. "So... anyway, how do you know Lena?"

 

"We went to school together, before she was homeschooled by her mom." Ben frowned thoughtfully. "No one else wanted to be her friend... because, well, i'm sure you know. When her mom pulled her out of school, she hacked her computers so we could talk. But even though we were in Metropolis together, I didn't see her in person again until about six years ago." He rubbed a hand across his temple. "When we talk, she only wants to talk about you. So when I came to visit her– I asked her to... um..." He cocked his head. 

 

"Set us up, yeah," Kara nodded. Done with her salad, Kara waved the waitress over. "It was really nice to meet you, Ben... but... I have work." It wasn't a lie– technically, she was already late. And she was rarely late. The last time she had been late, it was because she and Mon-El had–

 

_Not this again!_

 

She stood up suddenly, the chair squeaking as she sent it across the linoleum. Ben stood too, though he was not finished. "Hey, wait! Can we... can we do this again?" 

 

Surprising herself, Kara nodded. "Yeah, that would be... a good idea."

 

Ben relaxed noticeably. "Um, tomorrow? Dinner at 8?"  

 

Kara nodded again. "Um, yeah." She grabbed her ever handy pen and notepad from her handbag and scribbled down her address and phone number. Tearing it out of the pad, she handed it to her companion, who was waiting patiently. "Text me?"

 

"I'll text you," He promised as he tucked the notepad into his breast-pocket. 

 

Unsure of whether to hug him or shake his hand, Kara settled for the latter, once again noticing his firm but gentle grip. It wasn't overbearing, but perfectly balanced. "So, tomorrow then?" 

 

Kara smiled. "Tomorrow. See you, Ben," She affirmed. Breaking the handshake, she turned and walked outside. Her insides felt weirdly warm and mushy, and even more so when her phone buzzed. 

 

It was from an unknown number, presumably Ben. 

 

_I had fun, Kara. See you tomorrow._

 

Smiling despite herself, Kara rounded the corner and pulled open her shirt to reveal the 'S' that adorned her chest.   

* * *

 

"-Which is why we should go back into the pocket dimension," Alex concluded the next day, at the round table meeting in the DEO. 

 

Supergirl nodded. "I agree," she said, after very little consideration. 

 

"Kara-!" Mon-El said quickly. 

 

She ignored him, and turned to Alex. "If we can find Sam, we'll know she's still okay, and we can tell her Ruby is still alive. She might be able to overthrow Reign that way."

 

"Kara, you won't have your power there..." Mon-El said quietly. "People should go with you."

 

Alex frowned at this. "She'll be drained more that way, Mon-El," She reminded him. 

 

"And what if she does get Sam to take her body back?" Mon-El challenged. "Then she'll be in there with Reign, and don't think Reign won't have her powers in that place!"

 

"And who do you think could do a better job than Supergirl? Everyone is mortal there!" Alex shot back. 

 

"Okay, okay!" Kara held up her hands. "No need to fight over this. I just need to get pulled out of there fast, once I convince Sam to take her body back. Okay?" 

 

Alex gave a curt nod to her younger sister, and Mon-El crossed his arms over his chest but said nothing. 

 

"So..." Brainy spoke for the first time in a while. "I will set up the transfer."

 

"No!" Kara said quickly. Too quickly. The team jerked their heads up to look at her. She crossed her arms defensively over her chest, and looked at Alex helplessly. Her sister jumped into action. 

 

"Yes... Your, uh, work thing. At CatCo!" 

 

"Yes!" Kara nodded a few too many times. She could feel his eyes on her. "So, we have to do this tomorrow." 

 

J'onn frowned. "Supergirl, you've never turned away from a mission. And who knows what Reign could do in even twelve hours."

 

Kara twisted her hands together. "I made a commitment, J'onn..." She lied through her teeth. 

 

His eyes narrowed, and she knew he didn't believe her. But for some reason, his eyes softened. "Go, Kara," he told her. "To your work meeting."

 

She thanked him quickly. 

 

And she avoided Mon-El's questioning gaze as she flew to her... her _date_.   


End file.
